Lair Of The Multimedia Guru


Love, death and a bunch of stalkers

Following is a true story of various odd events the happened a few years ago in my life, taken alone most and especially the begin would not be worth mentioning or writing about but together they might be.

Introduction, the begin until autumn 2003

I guess most people have someone who is important to them or who they love. In my case its Nadja, we’ve been in the same class in school which was indeed a long time ago. Somehow our paths parted, i always wanted to call her, but i didnt, and neither did she, nor have i heared anything from or about her, and neither did i ask. Well why should i have asked, iam not the kind that sniffs behind peoples backs about their lives, i always hated it when my mother did and wouldnt want to be treating others that way. Not that i had much contact to anyone i could have easily asked …

summer/autumn 2003

I was still living with my mother in her appartment, my father had bought his own appartment and left (IIRC) a year or so earlier. Without my father around, i was the only one left for my mother to talk to/blame/annoy. Now dont misunderstand me, my mother isnt evil (hmm or maybe she is ;) but i simply couldnt stand it anymore and left too. I also had a strange feeling that something wasnt right with Nadja … Being in my new appartment and not having my mother stand behind me all day long, i finally called Nadja, i still had the number from school time, to my dismay the number did not work. And to make it worse the phone company also had noone in their lists with a matching family name and street address, and that includes people that arent listed in the public phone book. Internet search engines also where a dead end, like they had been in previous years when i tried to find an email address of her. Being not too lucky with finding anything, i thought, “my phone number is in the phone book, my email is easy to find, if Nadja needs something she could find me easily…”, not that i was too happy about it but for whatever reason i temporarly gave up searching her. There where also many other things to do in my new appartment and my feeling that something was wrong, well i couldnt have known, i had to be imagining things.


I think it was spring, though i cant say that for certain, i was on my way to the supermarket around the corner, when i run into my grandmother. What was she doing here i wondered, well she told me that my other grandmother called her and said that my stove was broken and i couldnt make tea so she wanted to bring me a electrical heater plate thingy so i could make tee. Well, my stove wasnt broken and i didnt call either of my grandmothers. This thing left all of us a little puzzled, it seems someone with a male and young voice called my grandmother (the one from my fathers side) and pretended to be me (her phone number was in the phone book), telling her the story of a broken stove and tea, she didnt know the address of my new appartment so she called my mother and as she didnt reach her my other grandmother who then came to help.

2005.02.16 17:53 my phone rings …

IIRC the person said something like the following (in german)
“Iam [cant remember] from kurier, daily newpaper, could i speak with [name of my mother]”
I think for a moment and then tell him that, iam sorry but i do not know anyone by that name. He accepts that though apparently not very happily and we hang up. Not too surprissingly noone from “kurier” which actually is a pretty large newspaper here ever calls my mother.


It wouldnt be worth mentioning, where it not in relation to the following events, not that the other things at the begin of 2005 would be, but on this day mike melanson told me a little joke by email, something like “After the conference Diego, myself and the other multimedia hackers in attendance will coordinate an austrian road trip and locate you and see what happens when you are exposed to sunshine :)”
this was in relpy to myself declining the suggestion to meet everyone at linuxtag.

2005.03.29 9:36 another odd phone call

Some female claiming to be from lotto and wanting to speak with “frau michael niedermayer”, i mildly enraged tell her “herr niedermayer”, not too successfull she continues with calling me “frau michael niedermayer” which is somethinbg like “mrs./miss michael niedermayer” so i hang up. It has to be noted that she had no odd dialect and thus likely could speak german well enough to know the difference. According to my notes her phone number was “+43 6648194927”
Besides these calls, there was no lack of others who wanted to just ask a few questions for various statistics, and interviews in 2005.

2005 march or april

As iam on my way home from supermarket, some guy in the street where my appartment is maybe he was 20-30 years old, wearing shorts. He said “Wast du schon an der sonne” which in english means “did you where already in the sun”. I ignored him and kept walking.
After that ive seen him many times sitting in the park, though never with a notebook or other normal hacker toy. Its also interresting to note that the last time ive seen him in the park was not too long prior to the next odd event.
(also neither diego nor mike look like him nor could they explain it when i asked)

2005.06.02 evening maybe 20-21 o clock

I was in the park, spoke there on my mobile with my mother and then went home, on the way home, someone (female vioce) called “michi” from behind, not recognizing the voice nor expecting anyone I ignored it, the person didnt call a second time that day. 2 Days later same place same time, i was waiting for the traffic light to turn green when i spotted 2 girls diagonally across the crossroads, i didnt recognize either of them, though lets call them girl A and B for the sake of referring to them. The light turtned green and a little while after they where behind and out of sight someone from their direction called “niedermayer”, for some reason i ignored it, they didnt call again.
In the following 2 and a half months ive run across girl A (or at least i think it was her) several dozen times at random places. She always starred at me as if iam supposed to know her but i apparently didnt, at least i didnt recognize her. She was wearing something like jeans, tshirt and green sport shoes. I was thinking it must be someone from my school class, but i simply couldnt match her up with anyone, either way it wasnt Nadja so i really didnt care who she was or what she wanted, especially as she could have said what she wanted instead of just staring and IIRC once saying “hello”, well this reasoning shall turn out to have been possibly too naive.

2005.07.23 16-17 o clock

As i walk home, just as iam entering the house, a guy maybe 10 meters before me on the street takes a photo of me, he appeared nervous, theres also nothing there, not even a trashcan that would be worthy of a picture.


As iam waiting at mc donalds for my 2 cheesburgers, someone to my right a few meters away is called by the name Nadja several times, she is or looks like girl B wearing a long black dress. She does remind me of someone from my school class but not Nadja, she doesnt look into my direction but the look on her face makes it very obvious that she is feeling very uncomfortable almost as if she wanted to do anything but being there playing Nadja which really is what she was doing. She also said no word at all.
Being somewhat confused and having received the 2 cheesburgers, i paid and left.
About 2 weeks later, again at mc donalds, as iam leaving, straight ahead along the street on its left side where a park is, i see an ambulance with blue blinking lights. I enter the park at its close corner and watch from quite some distance. I see someone looking like girl B walking together with several other people and ambulance man/doctors over the meadow to the ambulance. They dont seem to be in a hurry, neither is the ambulance after they reached it. I walk through the rest of the park and round the ambulance and then turn and walk home, the ambulance still standing at the same spot, still blinking blue.
After now seeing someone apparently knowning my name, being called Nadja and entering an ambulance i felt rather uncomfortable, that Nadja might not be ok, that i maybe didnt recognize her, I didnt really care who the weird people playing street theater where or why there where doing this, but i had to find Nadja.
The phone book, all phone companies, and google lead to nothing, but i found Marta, another one from my class, she could not explain who the weird people where but she could tell me what is with Nadja, Marta said Nadja died 2 years ago in 2003.
She did not know any details, but said that she is certain about it.
I did not want to belive this, and kept asking others i knew and ones i did not knew, as well as the official sources. Everyone who knew something confirmed that Nadja died in 2003.
Now if this was a fictional story then the death of Nadja, one of the best, most honest, righteous and selfless people i knew, would be the end. She was not the kind that pretended to be good while doing evil things, rather the opposite. Besides she is/was the most important one in my life. But reality is cold and mercyless, so the story cannot end here yet …
More weird people appear and watch me, they follow me around, watch what i buy in the supermarket, where i walk to, …


As iam on my way from the supermarket to my appartment, as i enter the house, seconds after passing a male thin guy, he behind me, says “niedermayer comes now” (in german).
I quickly rush to my appartment, but find nothing touched except maybe a chest of drawers moved a little, its top drawer is rather hard to move without moving the whole thing …

2005.10.05 15:30-16:30

I buy a more secure lock and exchange the old against it.

2005.10.07 7:00

My doorbell rings, iam in bed, sleeping. Tired i put on some clothes and stumble to the door. After opening it, i see a not too big guy with a woolen cap/hood. He very politely asks if he woke me, theres a somehow wicked smile on his face. He says he is searching for someone with the name “altendorfer” to renovate their appartment. I tell him politely that i dont know anyone by that name. He leaves and i head back to bed.

2005.10.07 night, shortly before i want to go to bed

I walk by the entrance door of my appartment, noticing to my dismay that it is partly disassembled, more precissely the little hole with lenses through which you can look out is nicely taken appart and the metal plate in whichs center it is is very loose, to the point that there is a 10cm long and narrow hole one can look straight through to the outside, it was too narrow to stick ones finger through but a thick wire easily would have. To my further dismay both my keys and the security card needed to get replacement keys officially where placed at spots somewhat different from where i put them. The keys where hanging where the coats are hanging, though one was standing out straight horizontally from the keyring, a thing practically impossible to happen were they hanged there normally, but someone trying to be silent who was trying to return a single key quickly might very well place it like that.
The card, it was before and afterwards in my wallet, but now it was standing out, before, i had it sticked in as deep as possible as i knew i would not need it any time soon. Did i lock the door? When i was away: always, when i was at home: never.
Realizing that whoever was it, was long gone, i decided to block the door and go to sleep (a surely unwise choice, like never locking the door when i was at home …)
Next day in the morning i call the police, one of them, he looks like the average not too bright varity appears, he writes everything down, though as no real damage has been done and nothing stolen his interrest is low. he refuses to attempt to take fingerprints of the door pretending it was not possible to take fingerprints of smooth surfaces. I later file a complaint about this.


A sunday, being convinced that someone could have made a duplicate key to my appartment, i replace the lock again, thanks here go to my mother for buying a lock and bringing it to me on a sunday where most shops are closed.


I meet attila kinali, he having heared from all the mess here, jumped on a train to visit me. My appartment being a mess, ive offered/made no food for him. I was still far too confused about nadjas death to treat guests properly …

2005.10.16 9:00

My mother tells me that someone has broken in, in my fathers office, his replacement keys, portable phone, a cammera, a harddisk and some money of a colleague has been stolen.

2005 exact day unknown

It is late in the evening, i go out for a walk, its dark, the ground is littered with fallen leafes. There are no people on the street except that every time i walk through some leafes a little while later i hear footsteps behind me stepping into leafes as well. I see no shadow from him, its clear he keeps enough distance not to cast any shadow too far ahead. I walk for maybe half an hour with him following me all the time, until i try to discreetly look back at a crossroads, but i was not discreet enough, he turns around and walks away at that very crossroads.
On many other days similar things happen, most of the time though there are several guys that switch positions, also they often waited at a future crossroads instead of litterally following behind.

2005 exact day unknown

I hear noises at the my appartments entrance door, as if someone was trying to open it. Walking there and looking through the repaired peep hole thingy, i only see someones back standing bend over in front. My first thought was that its some old neighbor or a relative of one who went to the wrong floor, but then a few moments later i decide to double check this, but too late, when i look again he is gone.
Gone far too quick and silent for an old neighbor …

2005.11.08 15:00

The doorbell from the house door rings, i pick up the receiver and say “yes”, the awnser “police”. I press the open button, moments later 2 policemen, they dont look like the average dumb varity stand before me. They tell me that they came because of the break in a month ago. They ask many questions, look in all rooms, and listen to the various things i remember. They suspect that my mother is behind things.

2005 unknown day

I talk with my mother on the phone, and tell her that the guys watching/stalking me are always starring at me. Next day i find several people standing with their backs toward me standing at various points along the way i normally walk. They where quite noticeably starring in the air in random other directions …

2005 unknown day

I decide to do various random things and see how they react …

2005.11.17 17:00

Iam on my way to a large shop (baumax), just before the shop i run into my grandmother (from my fathers side) she tries to convince me to come to her house. I decline explaining that it is too cold at her house and the shop is heated. She accepts that and leaves.
I buy a rope and one of these stick with a rubber pump thingies to clean the drain of a wasching basin, whatever its called in englisha plunger, so i have a seperate one for my bathroom and toilet. After i leave, while waiting for the traffic light to turn green so i could cross the street to reach the tram, someone behind me says “Nadja hat ihren job verlohren, die mussten eben den headcount reduzieren” (in english, “nadja lost her job, they just had to reduce the headcount”). I turn around but there where too many people to identify who said that.

2005 end november begin december

For the duration of a week or 2 they follow me around missing no day, i always favored one supermarket during that time, at the end i see a couple in that supermarket, the woman i suspect was supposed to look like Nadja, she had similar “Ausstrahlung” (someone translate this to english)aura like Nadja. She also had thick hands, and i mean not that she was thick or her arms, just the hands, Nadja did not had thick hands. I guess its hard to find people looking like Nadja that are willing to play street theater. I guess they where also supposed to do something but they didnt, he just said a word or 2 to her, maybe something like “Lets leave” but i dont remember exactly. After that i notice fewer people watching/following me around. This could of course also have been a coincidence but its odd why they followed me around so carefully for 1-2 weeks and then just stopped.

2005 12.13

I send nadjas mother a letter, hoping she would tell me something else than that Nadja is dead and hoping that maybe she has a clue who is behind that group following me around.
I didnt sent the letter sooner as several people like marta told me by email that i should leave nadjas mother alone and not ask.

2005.12.14 10-11 o clock

The bell from the house door rings, i get out of bed stumble to the door, expecting the postman (there was a packet i was waiting for), i pick up the receiver and say “yes”, and wait, but noone awnsers, so i press the door open button anyway. A little later i realize it might be nadjas mother and put on some clothes and walked down to check but i see noone, so i walk around the block hoping to spot someone, again no luck.

2006.01.01 10 o clock

I hear 2 woman talking a floor or 2 below me, i only catch a few phrases of the conversation, X: “… my daughter …”, Y:”… Michi … before 14-15 o clock few chances … many woman”, X:”MANY WOMAN?! …. is someone watching him?” Y:”A woman maybe”
X:”… frau [nadjas family name]”, After that, X left who possibly was nadjas mother, sadly i did not realize this quick enough. Who was Y? i dont know, Why was nadjas mother talking with a neighbor of mine instead of me? i neither know that.


The doorbell rings, its the postman, bringing back my letter that i sent to nadjas mother, unopened, it seems it was laying at the post office and nadjas mother did not take it from the postman or was not at home nor picked it up from the post office after that.


Not having heared anything from any neighbor yet about the whole, i go through the ones likely knowing and ask, its clear my suspicion is correct but they pretend not to know who had talked with nadjas mother, just trying to explain how she confused a few people who where looking at an appartment to rent at the floor above me with many woman coming to me. (and iam sure none of the ones i directly spoke with was Y)

somewhen 2006

Having heared various stories from members of my family and people from my class about other school comrades who died, i realize that alot more young people die than i would have guessed. So i decide to write a will, just in case …
Making sure my grave would be close to nadjas and not too close to people of my family (nothing against them but its called rest in peace for a reason). And that my computer stuff would end in the hands of some FOSS people. As well as for the very unlikely case that Nadja still is alive that she would get everything, not that i have much …


I receive an SMS
Its text is: “Happy birthday ALLES GUTE ZUM GEBURTSTAG wünschen Tanja und Mädels”
in english litterally: “Happy birthday everything good for (your) birthday wish tanja and girls”
Whats special on this, well its the day nadja died, exactly 4 years before. I also should mention that i have fewer SMS than i have fingers on one hand if i dont count advertisements and stuff from people i know. And its of course not even close to my birthday.

Short of that and a few other oddities, things normallized with the end of 2005. Comparing things its like counting oddities per week or day in 2005 while afterwards it was rather per month or year. So they are either gone or worked more discreetly after 2005.

Also note, the list of events above is intentionally not complete lacking things that iam sure are unrelated to the group following me around as well as a few things to prevent them from knowing what i missed.

How did Nadja die? There are many contradicting rumors, and after excluding what is clearly false, that whats left still leaves an accident, suicide and murder open. I dont belive it was an accident, she would have had to be stupid or unlucky, but she was very intelligent, but then i cant exclude that it might have been an accident. And iam certain it was not suicide, also noone suggested to me that it might have been suicide.

Who where the poeple following me around? Ultimately i do not know, at the top of the list though are private investigators hired by the copyright mafiaa, if it wasnt them some parts could be explained by 2 girls from my class and an unknown 3rd person hireing some private investigators. That 3rd person could be one of my parents, someone who knew nadja or some woman interrested in the ffmpeg maintainer. Motives could have been from just annoying me to finding information about me or Nadja.
Good arguments exist against most, it appears the person had difficulty identifying me at first, that would exclude my parents. But then its possible that not all events were caused by the same people …
Someone wanting to find information about nadja would have just asked, maybe pretending to be someone else than she was, but they wouldnt have done this kind of theater, the whole was just too much work for the return of no information at all, actually this text likely would tell such a person more than what they found out by their activity
Someone wanting to annoy/terrorize me really could have done more than the street theater they played, but then maybe it is hard to find people doing that “harder” kind of activity when one lacks contacts to the real mafia.
Gathering informatiuon about me, well i guess they did, not too much correct information once i realized that there are not just 1-2 girls from my class who i failed to recognize but even wrong information is information i guess

Note, if you send me any questions or comments by email, GPG encrypted&signed is strongly preferred!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Michael @ 16:46


  1. It’s me.
    I’m stalking you.

    Comment by Anonymous — 2008-12-11 @ 20:22

  2. in usa sometimes you can look up obituaries (death notices) in the newspapers at the library. or you can look up burial records at graveyards. also funeral home records may help.

    its a lot of work, and its not digitized. and if she died/buried in another town it wont work.

    good luck!

    the sms message may have been a wrong number. many other coincidences could be explained justly.

    Comment by compn — 2008-12-11 @ 23:02

  3. I think that was me. I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression of stalking. I actually wrote a song for you expressing my feelings and I wanted to perform it for you.

    Comment by Anonymous — 2008-12-12 @ 00:21

  4. stick with a rubber pump thingy = “plunger”
    “Ausstrahlung” = “aura” in this context

    Comment by koorogi — 2008-12-12 @ 00:33

  5. > the sms message may have been a wrong number. many other coincidences could be explained
    > justly.

    Yes, i did not mean to implicate that everything listed had to be done with bad intent or unjust. Its rather a list of odd events, some certainly unjust, like the break ins. Some others at least partly unjust like one of my neighbors pretending (possibly out of curiousness) to know me well and then ending up having to talk random shit (many woman …) to fill in the parts she didnt know because she actually didnt know me. And others that can be explained either way …
    It is also my hope that through posting this maybe some of these events could be clarified, the chance someone knowing something would read this is pretty low, but not zero.
    Where it not that Nadja died, i likely had little interrest in these events …

    About the SMS, it could of course have been a wrong number but i do not belive it, on the day nadja died with a message about “my” birthday (vs her deathday), the name tanja which just reorders 2 letters from natja (which one would pronounce the same as nadja).

    Comment by Michael — 2008-12-12 @ 01:03

  6. don’t go all tinfoil hat on us mikey

    Comment by nine — 2008-12-12 @ 01:49

  7. This is what you should tell her

    Comment by Anonymous — 2008-12-12 @ 02:21

  8. I’m reading this crapshit, and all I have to say you is that you are damn coward.
    I could have find out whats up after first of WEIRD thing.

    You can’t even try to call the number SMS came from???

    Comment by hugo — 2008-12-12 @ 13:37

  9. Reminds me of the saying: Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.

    Comment by Benjamin Larsson — 2008-12-12 @ 14:57

  10. I think the lyric is actually “don’t mean they’re not after you”.

    Is Nadja a common name? And Niedermayer? And Michael?

    From reading all that, it does seem a little strange but mainly because there’s nothing really concrete to make one think something untoward is definitely going on.

    When you don’t have enough information or you’re unsure about something, you try to fill in the gaps with ideas based on what little you know. I’m not saying the ideas are wrong, nor that people aren’t following you and so on, I’m just saying that you could be wrong and all of those things could be mostly unrelated events.

    If Nadja is indeed deceased, I extend my condolences. Though if she really did(/does) mean that much to you, you should really have made more of an effort to maintain contact with her and to have given something happening between you a decent chance. If people care about you, they shouldn’t mind you trying to contact them or find out what’s going on with them. If they don’t, then they should make it clear to you that they don’t want you to know about them.

    Comment by Robert Swain — 2008-12-12 @ 18:07

  11. I remember a mail on the maillists asking for your account to be temporally suspended because your system may have been compromised. Was that the reason?

    About Nadja, I guess it would be best if you try to find her parents in person (not via mail) and talk a little with them. I’m sure you’d like to put some flowers on her grave.

    For these interested, the name Nadia sounds may actually be “Надя” short of “Надежда”. In Russian and Bulgarian it means Hope.

    And next time you see strange persons, shoot them with your camera.
    The best defense is to attack.

    Comment by Ivan Kalvachev — 2008-12-13 @ 16:01

  12. > I remember a mail on the maillists asking for your account to be temporally suspended because
    > your system may have been compromised. Was that the reason?

    yes, though as far as i can tell, none of my computers has ever been hacked into.

    > I’m sure you’d like to put some flowers on her grave.

    I know where her grave is since 2005 or at least i belive it is her grave, there never is absolute certainity beyond “i think, so i am”, the story above really is a list of odd events, and in that surely could be a list of unrelated events like some suggested here, i think i never claimed that these have to be all related nor all done with evil motives …
    It is not a list of what i did in between except where it was directly related to these odd events. Maybe i should write a more complete list, maybe not, i dont know.
    The reason for ommiting things, was that i wanted to limit what i tell them that they did not know already.

    > And next time you see strange persons, shoot them with your camera.
    > The best defense is to attack.

    I know this, the only problem is that before i knew about nadjas death it simply where a few odd events i didnt really care about (so had no reason to document), and after i found out about nadjas death i was simply too confused to make logic decissions, a little shy when it came to taking pics of random strangers and also was concentrating on finding out what happened to nadja and not on hunting stalkers. When i halfway recovered from finding out about her death, they where no longer following me around since a while already …

    Comment by Michael — 2008-12-13 @ 20:23

  13. You need to see a doctor. The way you obsessively record random events and construct linkages is not a happy sign.

    Comment by foo — 2008-12-24 @ 00:42

  14. >…the name tanja which just reorders 2 letters from natja (which one would pronounce the same as nadja).<

    Some options:

    a) Some group is interested in confusing or distracting you.
    b) Some people do strange things for their own, various, confused reasons.
    c) You need to get professional support, could be a cognitive malfunction. There is a, but somewhat brutal, German term: Bezugswahn.

    Take care.

    Comment by Erik — 2008-12-25 @ 01:34

  15. Spooky events, try and investigate cuz there is no such thing as coincidences(should have called the number that sent sms).FWIW the post was a very engrossing read,but alas a disappointing ending.

    Comment by ashish — 2009-01-14 @ 21:05

  16. Reads like an H. P. Lovecraft story, with various small scraps of information correlated into some ominous occult hypothesis, which is eventually is privately confirmed by some irreproducible occurrence or accident. After which the HPL story narrator becomes distraught or even unhinged.

    On public records of death data, I don’t know how it works in Germany, but in Massachusetts we have a “Registry of Vital Records” which stores data about all the state’s birth and death records. Commonly it’s used by citizens interested in genealogy, but anybody can go there, sign in, fill out a request card for the desired information, and somebody goes and fetches it. I’d suppose Germany would have something similar.

    Comment by AC — 2009-01-24 @ 07:56

  17. I do not think you are well. I hope you get some help.

    I follow ffmpeg closely and it is clear from your work there that you are truly gifted.

    I hope we will continue to see you work on ffmpeg.

    Comment by Anonymous — 2009-03-07 @ 19:02

  18. UFOnauts maybe?

    Comment by memo — 2009-07-12 @ 23:39

  19. Michael,

    Interesting story, sorry for your loss. I understand you’re really good with computers. In fact, I found this website looking for information on what “deinterlacing” video means. Anyway, good luck with your life. I’d look into asking some trustworthy people in your community about why you think people are following you. This might help you focus on other more productive things.

    Comment by Mike — 2010-01-10 @ 04:36

  20. I agree with Ivan go visit her mother, that is the only real way to know the truth.

    Comment by Rob — 2010-06-23 @ 23:25

  21. It is a distressing read.
    Having had a breakdown myself, I agree with 13.’foo’ and 19. Michael’s suggestion about confiding in someone you can trust.
    I hope your are OK.

    Comment by jmmp — 2010-08-11 @ 01:51

  22. I arrived at your website through some video codecs/muxers issues that I have.
    I think you are paranoid. I think mostly noone cares about your life (just like noone cares about mine). You spend too much time with computers. You read too much sensational news that lead you to think your work on ffmpeg may be seen as “dangerous” by what you call “copyright mafias”. When those people are upset by something, they know how to use the legal system, they don’t need to throw amateurish stalkers to your face. As you clearly rationally say, they would learn more by reading your texts than following you whispering your name when you’re nearby. This is absolute non-sense.
    The death of your friend/lover had a terrific impact on you. Now, you cannot think rationally about what others think of you.
    I don’t know if you will read this. I don’t know if you will accept what I write. I just feel sad to see someone from my tribe (hackers) lost in paranoia as you are. I was even expecting some king of “haha, did you like that funny paranoia’s parody of mine?” as a conclusion, but you seem to be trapped in it. It does not look like a joke at all.
    I was in love with a girl recently. She didn’t feel nothing about me. I was (and still am) convinced of the opposite. It’s not exactly paranoia, but I can rationally /understand/ that my feelings are wrong, that I don’t have enough data to decide if she loved me or not, so I try to live with that uncertainty in my life. The point is that it’s easy for me, because she now lives far away from here, and my wrong feelings don’t represent a menace to me.
    Your feelings are with people around you, and are a source of danger (those “people” want to hurt you).
    I don’t know how to convince you, just try to see yourself as a computer and hack into yourself. When you have a bug in a codec you don’t debug your text editor, do you? For your brain it’s the same. You need to dig in the right place. (You first to accept that there is a bug in there.) When you hear people speaking your name /at a distance/, are you sure it’s your name? When you see people /at a distance/ staring at you, aren’t they just looking at you at that moment because you all in a sudden move, and we tend to look at things that move? so they look at you just by coincidence, because you moved? Dig for the simplest answer here.
    Your brain is buggy, you need to fix it. Go read about paranoia, dig for texts written by paranoiac people and see how similar they are to yours, learn about that sickness.
    Some have said that you should see a doctor. Why not, try that if you want. I personally don’t like doctors, so I won’t give that advice, but that may be a good idea.
    Anyway, just some thoughts from a fellow hacker who has also weirdnesses in the brain. Just that I identified them and live with them the best I can without them to dominate me as your weirdnesses seem to dominate you.

    Comment by Sed — 2012-10-22 @ 15:19

  23. mercie

    Comment by hakmi — 2012-11-13 @ 14:46

  24. People, please, stop destroying other people’s self-esteem this way. It clearly cannot be paranoia here, not entirely at least. If you continue to say that, it just means that something similar has never happened to you, so you think it could only happen in TV series…

    Comment by GV — 2016-01-16 @ 02:28

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